Would you be surprised that every time a Warmist tries to live the carbon neutral life, they come up way short? The Greeniepig finds out that life is hard

(Grist) My personal carbon offset plan has bogged down with a serious case of the Couldas.

For those of you just joining us, I've been on a personal quest to nullify the carbon dioxide emissions from a trip to Texas last October. All 1,858 pounds of it. Rather than buying a dubious carbon offset for the trip, I wanted to slice enough emissions from my own lifestyle to atone for my sins against the climate.

How's that been working out, you ask? Coulda been better.

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Patricia McCormick

I could have cut back to once-weekly showers, saving gallon upon gallon of water. After all, it takes gobs of energy to gather, treat, and deliver fresh water on demand. I could have gone vegan, lifting resource-intensive and methane-spewing meat products from my conscience. I could have given up my apartment and my job in favor of a life spent illegally squatting in the woods and eating raccoon gristle. All that power I've been sucking to keep my food cold and my computer humming? Off my balance sheet.

Perhaps it won't shock you to learn I didn't do any of those things. That's why, to date, I've managed to offset just 789.5 pounds of that mighty 1,858-pound total. Well, that's the official tally. I'm hoping you'll give me some credit for a side project I've undertaken. More on that in a minute.

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Patricia McCormick

It's hard to be green weenie. Of course, she could simply have not taken that fossil fueled air trip, but, you know, life. So, what's her solution?

But here's where I'm looking at you, dear reader, to throw me a bone. Frustrated with my slow progress, I reached outside of myself and realized that, you know what? It takes a village to offset 1,858 pounds of CO2, and I'm going to get my neighbors involved in the effort, whether they like it or not. So I set out to start a compost program for my building.

That's right, her answer is to force her cultish beliefs on others.